Favourite Quotes Thread

[Katherine]

The DH come up with some witty, funny and insightful quotes.

Which are your favourite?

I LOVE the Van De Kamps

Rex: "You must still feel something for me."
Bree: "And why do you think that?"
Rex: "Oh come on, Bree, look at this. You're using the good china, freshly pressed napkins, flowers from the garden. This tray was prepared with loving care."
Bree: "Do me a favor, Rex. Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection."

Rex: "What are you doing?"
Bree: "Were you with a woman? Did you tell her that you have a wife, or does that hinder your pick-up style?"
Rex: "All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!"
Bree: "Options! I’m not a mutual fund, Rex!"
Rex: "Oh, that’s not...Bree, you should get out there. Try and meet someone."
Bree: "Meet someone. I’m raising your children."
Rex: "I am just trying to move on with my life. It is nothing to be ashamed of!"
Bree: "Oh, okay. I tell you what then. Why don’t you just call up your mystery woman and invite her over. I’ll pull out the sofa bed and you can take her right there. Andrew! Danielle! Daddy’s gonna fornicate for us!"
Rex: "Keep your voice down."
Bree: "Why, are you feeling ashamed?"

Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that.

Bree: Rex cries after he ejaculates

[vamp_willow]

Lynette: "I don't get who would pay Maisy for sex?"

[callmefangirl]

"We are not negotiating my uterus."-Gabrielle

[Katherine]

Bree and Rex always crack me up. :lol:

Rex: "Well?" (After watching dom-sex tape)
Bree: "What in the hell did your mother do to you?"

Rex: "If things get to rough we can have a control word. If one of us says it the other backs off immediately."
Bree: "Okay, so.. what's our control word?"
Rex: "Well, lately, I've been using Philadelphia."
Bree: "It's just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia and I don't want to be thinking about her while I'm spanking you with a leather strap."
Rex: "Okay, fine. You pick a control word."
Bree: "Um.. how about Boise?"
Rex: "Boise? We're going to be doing psychological role playing here Bree, and something funny like Boise will ruin the mood! We need something more serious."
Bree: "Hmmm..." (thinks) "How about Palestine?"

[Sonni]

I love those:
Julie: When was the last time you had sex?
[Susan stops what she is doing]
Julie: Are you mad that I asked?
Susan: No, I'm just trying to remember.

Julie: Dear diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.

Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?

[oclover24]

My favorite DH quotes (there are a lot):

Mary Alice: People by their nature are always on the lookout for intruders. Trying to prevent those on the outside from getting in. But there will always be those who force their way into our lives, just as there will be those who we invite in...but the most troubling of all, will be the one's who stand on the outside looking in. The one's we never truly get to know.
Bree: Have you ever had real old-fashioned eggnog?
Susan: Time flies when you’re on a stakeout in crack town.
Gabrielle: I won’t stop my life because she [Mama Solis] shows up – unannounced I might add.
Mary Alice: An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory, but our sight? Ah, our sight expands and we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look.
Mary Alice: Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind me it's all so clear to me. The beauty that waits to be unveiled, the mysteries that long to be uncovered. But people so rarely stop to take a look, they just keep moving. It's a shame really. There's so much to see.
Mary Alice: It's not enough to want to the truth. You must know where to look for it. And the truth is elusive, because it knows where to hide.
Mary Alice: Death is inevitable. It’s a promise made to each of us at birth. But before that promise is kept, we all hope something will happen to us. Whether it’s the thrill of romance, the joy of raising a family, or the anguish of great loss. We all hope to experience something to make our lives mean more. But the sad fact is, not all lives having meaning. Some people spend their time on this planet just sitting on the sidelines, waiting for something to happen to them before it’s too late.
Rex: He’s a teenage boy. We could take away his penis and he’d still try to have sex.
Rex: Let me put this another way. Do you want to become a grandmother?
Mary Alice: Each new morning in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. Little white lies told not to hurt but to make life more pleasant. They tell these lies to protect themselves and their reputation. Of course, every now and then, the day arrives when someone finally decides to tell the truth…yes, each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies. The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, telling ourselves we’re happy or that he’s happy. That we can change or that he will change his mind. We persuade ourselves that we can live with our sins or that we can live without him. Yes, each night before we fall asleep, we lie to ourselves in the desperate, desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.
Bree: What is wrong with nice invitations?
Andrew [on Zach]: He’s genetically incapable of being cool.
Julie: The next morning she made pancakes in the shape of little hearts. Seriously, little hearts.
Zach: They’re acting like a bunch of jerks. Alert the media.
Mary Alice: We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their daring. Sometimes for their bravery. Sometimes for their goodness. But mostly, we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dream of being rescued. Of course, if the right hero doesn't come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves.
Gabrielle: I am pregnant and it’s all your fault.
Carlos [about the police’s opinion on him]:…serial gay basher…
************************************
Julie: I’m not clueless. I found men’s boxers in the clothes hamper.
Susan: Oh, don’t write that down.
*************************************
Bree: Danielle, you are president of the abstinence club.
Danielle: I wasn’t planning on running for a second term.
***************************************
Andrew: Mom, trust me, this is very funny. Mostly because the condom wasn’t mine.
[Looks exchanged, and Danielle slinks down in her chair.]
Danielle: You suck, you know that?
***************************************
Susan: Okay, call.
Bree: Shall I just call 911?
Gabrielle: Well, it’s not really an emergency.
Lynette: There was a murder.
Bree: Well not recently, and I prefer not to tie up the line.
Susan: Will you just call?
****************************************
Susan: All we know is that’s Lynette’s kids turned up with it.
Bree: So what are you saying, the twins murdered Martha?
Lynette: Well, I wouldn’t put it past them.
*****************************************
Gabrielle: Carlos…I’m going to bed.
Carlos: Thanks for the newsflash.
******************************************
Rex: Oh come on, I'm staying at a motel; I haven't had a decent meal in weeks.
Bree: Honey, the marriage counseling may not work out, you need to get used to bad cooking.
******************************************
Gabrielle: I like my life – it’s very fulfilling.
Mama Solis: Excuse my daughter-in-law. She’s very fulfilled.
******************************************
Bree: I’ve never told anyone that story before.
Zachary: Those are the best ones – the stories we never tell anyone.
******************************************
Susan: I’m mad because I like you so much without really knowing anything about you…
Mike: What do you want to know?
Susan: …what do you think of me? [Mike kisses Susan.] Could you repeat that please??
******************************************

[Heather]

Lynette: I know someone, who knows someone, who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me, I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! Alright, are you willing to risk that?

Bree: To be honest, the only thing I don't like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications but I'm just not a fan.

[Andrew]

Bree: Rex; please don't confuse my anal-retentiveness with affection

[shariandbree]

I would say i loved the rex ejaculates line that was to funny.