60+ of the Best Schitt’s Creek Quotes

In just six seasons, Schitt’s Creek captured the hearts of viewers with its outstanding cast and memorable storylines. And the skilled writing team provided us with no shortage of memorable quotes from Schitt’s Creek.

Ranging from humorous to heartfelt the script and character development truly propelled the series to one of the best on television.

Here are some of the best Schitt’s Creek quotes from the Rose family and the citizens of Schitt’s Creek.

David Rose Quotes

Dan Levy plays the unforgettable David Rose on Schitt’s Creek. His pansexual character gave many people in the LGBTQIA+ community the courage to come out to their families. On top of being an incredible example of queer representation, you can’t help but laugh with his character.

Here are some of the best David Rose quotes.

“I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back I tried a merlot, that used to be a chardonnay. I like the wine, and not the label.” -David Rose

“I do not have a lot to my name right now, but I do have one thing: taste.” -David Rose

“I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively, in a row.” -David Rose

“I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.” -David Rose

“These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing, looking like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike, incorrect.” -David Rose

“Congratulations on your ongoing love for one another. You did it.” -David Rose

“I’m starting to feel like I’m trapped in an Avril Lavigne lyric here.” -David Rose

“Excuse me, I haven’t bedazzled anything since I was 22.” -David Rose

“I love our relationship. I love it when you order me pizza. I love when you use words like inventory! I even love those stupid rubber things you put on your fingers cause you think they flip the pages faster. They don’t flip the pages faster. They don’t flip the pages faster!” -David Rose

“The internet is a breeding ground for freaks.” -David Rose

“You might want to rethink the nightgown first — there’s a whole Ebenezer Scrooge thing happening. My best to Bob Cratchet.” -David Rose

“I’m trying very hard not to connect with people right now.” -David Rose

“Like Beyonce, I excel as a solo artist and my mom dressed me well into my teens.” -David Rose

“Very uninterested in that opinion.” -David Rose

“I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject. And by subject, I mean genuine human emotion.” -David Rose

“I’ve been burned so many times I’m like the human equivalent of the inside of a roasted marshmallow.” -David Rose

Alexis Rose Quotes

Although “Ew, David!” has cemented itself as one of the most iconic lines from Schitt’s Creek, it’s only said by Alexis three times throughout six seasons! Anne Frances Murphy utters it with such emphatic disgust that she made those two words so unforgettable.

Here are some of her other iconic quotes.

“I once planned Megan Fox’s bachelorette on this tiny island off the coast of Montenegro, where nothing is illegal. Like, nothing.” -Alexis Rose

“You know what, David, you get murdered first for once.” -Alexis Rose

“I don’t skate through life. I walk through life in really nice shoes.” -Alexis Rose

“What now? Do I leave everything behind and move to some random island to be with the love of my life? Because I did that with Harry Styles in England and it was, like, too rainy.” -Alexis Rose

“Okay, yeah, no, I did not write this…Okay, like, I didn’t even choose this font! It’s horrible.” -Alexis Rose

“I miss being surrounded by loose acquaintances who think I’m funny and smart and charming.” -Alexis Rose

“Hide your diamonds, hide your exes…I’m a little bit Alexis.” -Alexis Rose

“Yeah, no. I know composting. Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange.” -Alexis Rose

“Love that journey for me.” -Alexis Rose

“There is nothing wrong with asking for what you deserve.” -Alexis Rose

Moira Rose Quotes

No one could portray the nuanced character of Moira Rose as well as Catherine O’Hara. While her character comes out with some downright rude statements, she’s still endearing and has moments of growth. 

Practically everything that comes out of Moira’s mouth is quotable. From her inability to correctly articulate common phrases – such as “Let’s not count our poultry before it’s incubated” and “Thank you for your pair of pennies” – she makes even the most commonplace statement exciting. 

Here are some of the best Schitt’s Creek quotes from this icon.

“Fold in the cheese!” -Moira Rose

“Fear not, she hath risen!” -Moira Rose

“There’s nothing here but hot singles in my area.” -Moira Rose

“This wine is awful. Get me another glass.” -Moira Rose

“Allow me to offer you some advice. Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think, “Oh, I’m too spooky,” or “Nobody wants to see these tiny boobies,” but believe me: one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say, ‘Dear God, I was a beautiful thing!’” -Moira Rose

“Let’s go. I’ve had enough waking hours for one day.” -Moira Rose

“You must prepare for life, and whatever it will throw at you. The opportunities will diminish, and the ass will get bigger. Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar it will! Especially yours. You’re going to have a huge ass.” -Moira Rose

Alexis: “What’s your favorite season?” 

Moira: “Awards.”

“We’re all pitching in these days, dear. Like communists or non-union actors.” -Moira Rose

“What you did was impulsive, capricious and melodramatic, but it was also wrong.” -Moira Rose

“If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.” -Moira Rose

“I can’t believe it. He’s managed to create something in this town that’s truly winsome. I would shop here, John, even without the nagging sense of obligation.” -Moira Rose

“Our director appears to be on a kamikaze mission to sink this ship, and I refuse to be the goddess on its prow!” -Moira Rose

“I did a little Ask-Jeevesing.” -Moira Rose

“Gossip is the devil’s telephone. Best to just hang up.” -Moira Rose

“Where is bébé’s chamber?” -Moira Rose

“Oh, it’s always just a cold, John—until it’s full-blown typhoid!” -Moira Rose

“David, stop acting like a disgruntled penguin.” -Moira Rose

“Oh, I’d kill for a good coma right now.” -Moira Rose

“It’s probably nothing, but I think I’ve killed a MAN!” -Moira Rose

“Why should I be the only one encumbered with this emotional cargo?” -Moira Rose

Best Schitt’s Creek Quotes

Even though David, Alexis, and Moira Rose constantly steal the spotlight when it comes to memorable lines, the rest of the cast gets great quotes as well. Here are some other great Schitt’s Creek quotes from other characters.

Johnny: “My son is pansexual.” 

Roland: “I know what that is. That’s umm, that cookware fetish.”

“I have my own holiday tradition. It’s like the 12 Days of Christmas, but it’s one day with 12 bottles of wine.” -Stevie Budd

“When you kissed me, that felt like my first time. All the things that you’re supposed to feel, I felt them last night.” -Patrick Brewer

“Moira, you’re having a drink, you glance down at your coaster, it says, ‘tweet us on Facebook!’ Or uh, ‘leave us a review!’ And you say, yeah, yeah, okay, I think I will.” -Johnny Rose

“Well, if I find out that you’re accusing me of doing something I didn’t do, then I’m going to accuse you of making false accusations.” -Roland Schitt

“This isn’t “Say Yes to the Dress”, princess. Orange is the new orange.” -Ronnie

“A hashtag? Is that two words?” -Johnny Rose

“If you’re looking for an ass to kiss, it’s mine.” -Roland Schitt

Moira: “Who put a picture of a ghost on my desk?” 

Roland: “…That’s the sonogram of our baby!”

“There’s something wrong with your face.” -Stevie Budd

“You strike me as the sort of person that had a hard time in high school.” -Jocelyn Schitt

“You better remember which nails you pulled those wigs from because your mother keeps a spreadsheet.” -Johnny Rose

“Well, David, these kids of parties take time and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother’s 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.” -Johnny Rose

“My car is worth less than your pants.” -Stevie Budd

“David, I’ve spent most of my life not knowing what right was supposed to feel like, and then I met you. And everything changed. You make me feel right, David.” -Patrick Brewer

“You’re my Mariah Carey.” -Patrick Brewer

“Talk to the hand, son. Because the ears are no longer working.” -Johnny Rose

Your Favorite Schitt’s Creek Quotes

Having a writing team that pens memorable quotes makes us want to watch sitcoms like Schitt’s Creek and The Office again and again.

With so many amazing Schitt’s Creek quotes, it’s difficult to pick a favorite. What are some of the quotes you love the best? Which character do you think has the best quotes? Let us know in the comments!