Picking up on the surprise twist of last episode, Artie and Claudia head to the Regents’ Châtelet only to find Claire gone without a trace. Fortunately, she was taken within the last five hours, so Artie is able to use the Durational Spectrometer to show her being kidnapped by the Benedict Valda from Paracelcus’s timeline.
A brief check of the Warehouse security system reveals that Valda’s been hiding out in his room in the Dead Agent’s Vault (it’s still a little creepy that they have that). He learned about Claire and her situation by eavesdropping on the team for the last few weeks. He’s also managed to abscond with several Artifacts and important bits, such as a key to a safe deposit box in the Regents’ Vault.
When Artie, Pete, and Myka arrive, they discover that Valda has killed a Regent and booby-trapped the body with Sir William Parry’s inukshuk, which instantly freezes Artie solid. Pete and Myka call in Jinks as backup, who brings along Butz’s glasses to thaw Artie and Laverlong’s walking stick to take care of the Artifact. When Artie thaws out, his portable ping device lets them know that something is up in Rapid City. Pete and Myka head out that direction while Steve and Artie stay behind to figure out what Valda wanted in the vault.
Over in badguy land, Valda has fitted Claire with one of his Borg lenses. As he aptly demonstrates, the Borg lens manages to override even her rage powers. Now that she no longer needs Sack’s record player, Valda uses it as a demonstration for a potential “buyer” for the Warehouse, knocking out everyone in a park in Rapid City. When the mysterious buyer likes what he sees, Valda has Claire hand over a mason square with instructions to plant it at the agreed-upon location. The two hit the road to enact the next part of Valda’s evil scheme.
Pete and Myka arrive shortly thereafter, but can’t get near the record player due to yet another booby-trap. Valda has replaced the previous record with Chuck Yeager’s favorite record, an Artifact which causes sonic booms when approached. Claud (who had figured out the trap thanks to her snooping in Valda’s room) brings Atlas’s workout trunks, which allow Myka to get close and destroy both the record and the record player.
Meanwhile, Artie’s efforts in the vault have paid off. He learns that Valda took the mason square and uses that discovery to drop some exposition on Steve (and us). The mason square, when combined with the mason compass and the setting maul, is what moves the Warehouse from country to country. The setting maul must be found and reassembled, at which point the compass will activate and start transporting Artifacts to the new Warehouse (determined by the location of the mason square). The setting maul must then be struck against the cornerstone of the new Warehouse to consecrate it and make the move permanent. According to tradition, the parts of the setting maul are always kept in the birthplace of the home country, in this case, the Green Dragon Tavern in Boston.
Pete, Myka, and Claudia head out there, but Valda’s already on the scene. He has Claire rip open the underground where the maul is kept, then makes her nearly crush Claudia with the vault door. Claudia manages to get through to Claire, but only for a brief moment before Valda reasserts control. He locks the Warehouse team in the vault and reassembles the maul, activating the compass back in the Warehouse.
The guys escape via a secret passage used by the revolutionaries back in the day. Claudia can feel bad juju coming from the Warehouse, though. Valda must need Claire for something other than just brute strength. Claud and Artie figure out that Valda wants to make Claire the new caretaker (as family members can take the responsibility in case of emergencies).
Boston’s cameras allow the Warehouse gang to track Valda far enough to deduce that the new Warehouse is going to be the Bird’s Nest in Beijing, China. Pete, Myka, and Claudia take the portal in the Warehouse to China in an attempt to stop Valda from consecrating the new Warehouse. Valda catches them in the act and tells Claire to “kill them slowly.” Claudia is able to help Claire break through her compulsion with a judicious application of Garbage songs. Pete has an idea to kill two birds with one stone. He has Claudia reverse the Borg lens so that Claire can send the music box energy through it and into Valda.
When Pete and Myka rush Valda, Myka is able to wrest the setting maul away from him just in the nick of time. Valda tussles with Pete, allowing Pete the chance to lift the Versailles fork that’s been keeping Valda in this timeline. He bags it, making Valda dissipate and take the music box energy with him (and the day is saved once again)!
Back at home, Steve has a little sit-down with Pete about his anxiety over working closely with Myka over the last few days. Pete uses Steve’s lie-detecting superpower to confirm what we already knew: Pete is in love with Myka.
The woman in question is helping Artie return the mason compass to its usual spot when it becomes obvious that all is not well. The compass is still active, and Mrs. Frederic can feel it. What does this mean for the future of Warehouse 13?
Okay, that wasn’t what I expected. I really thought it’d take a two-parter to defeat Evil Valda, and that’s how we’d say goodbye to the Warehouse. Of course, now Valda vanquished (yes, I’ve been holding on to that one for a while) and the compass still active, practically anything could happen in the series finale.
I have to admit, I’m starting to get behind the idea of Pete and Myka as a couple. For most of the run of Warehouse 13, I appreciated that the leads were friends and professional partners without any particularly sexual tension between them. To me, it put the Warehouse and the feeling of family at the forefront. That being said, watching Pete deal with his feelings this episode was both ridiculous and adorable. For what it’s worth, I give this my stamp of approval.
One episode left, guys. What are you going to miss most about Warehouse 13?
Pete: “Good, he’s grumpy. He’ll be okay.”
Pete: “Okay, Mr. Human Lie Detector. You look me in the eye and tell me I’m lying. I’m in love with Myka Bering.”
Things to Ponder:
- But next episode is the very last episode! What do you mean the compass is still active??
- So Mrs. Frederic stopped aging in 1898? Dude.
- Artifact Roundup: Warehouse ship’s wheel, Jade Elephant, Sir William Parry’s inukshuk, Albert Butz’s glasses, Donner party jar (referenced), Brigadier General Laverlong’s Elephant Walking Stick, Chuck Yeager’s favorite record, Atlas’s workout trunks, Tools of Hiram Abiff (setting maul, mason square, mason compass), Wilbrand’s lab coat buttons, Hall’s achromatic lens, Versailles fork
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