Well well well how the tables have turned! To think, I have asked the question, “How many articles will it take to have people realize things need to change quickly in the WWE?” They were right; ask and you shall receive. For the first Monday Night RAW after this year’s draft, we have a new World Heavyweight Champion. I know every fan at the Ford Center in Oklahoma and at home must have been hearing the sound of angels in their heads singing HALLELUJAH! Lord knows I was.
You see, RAW opened up with good ol’J.R.; Jim Ross giving his farewell address to all the loyal fans in attendance and also paying homage to his partner in crime Jerry “The King” Lawler. Then of course, not too long after J.R.’s about to finish, the Rated R Superstar Edge; along with the Edge-Heads Hawkins and Ryder, just had to put in their two cent worth opinions. Having the nerve to say that no one cares about J.R. or King, Edge also threw in that J.R. should start getting use to saying “EDGE WINS! EDGE WINS!” since he’s going to be on SmackDown being the play by play voice along side Hardcore Legend Mick Foley. J.R. of course being the stand up and loyal man to the faces and TRUE champions of the WWE that he is, threw the microphone down on the ground to show he has no fear of a miniscule poor excuse for a man who needs a posse to feel all tough.
As Hawkins and Ryder; aka Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumm, escorted J.R. out of the ring, Edge makes it abundantly clear that neither John Cena nor Batista can feel free to go after Triple H for the WWE Championship Title, but that they will never get a shot at the World Heavyweight Title. And with that being said, that we’ll never see him on RAW again. Leaving the ring with a smug grin on his face and shaking his empty skull like a bobble-head dashboard ornament, suddenly you hear the sound of an entrance song that has the infamous words, “I WALK ALONE!” As Edge stands there, surprised like Cartman seeing Kyle’s mom behind him in The South Park movie, he finds himself starring into the eyes of a very enraged and vengeful Batista. Stepping back slowly, Edge then turned and tried to run for his life as fast as he could. But his converse covered feet were not fast enough to retreat very far from The Animal. Throwing the ultimate opportunist around like a rag doll, Batista placed Edge in the ring to finish the job. Therefore, with Edge quivering and begging for mercy like the cowardly little boy he is having no affect on RAWs Animal, the Rated R Superstar got his world turned upside-down as he crashed and burned to the canvas after a powerful Batista Bomb.
However, just because Big Dave started walking back to the locker room didn’t mean that the party was going to be over so soon. As Dave reached the top of the ramp way, the entrance switched again from Saliva to Killswitch Engage’s jam This Fire Burns and out came CM Punk with a referee at his side. As most probably forgot… CM Punk was still Mr. Money in the Bank! So following the tradition and example that Edge has displayed in the past regarding Money in the Bank, Punk cashed in his contract. As an anxious Punk tells Lillian to hurry up and ring the bell, he finally gets his chance to pounce on the World Champ and gain the victory! Ok… I know that most of you out there are probably wondering, “Wait… how come it’s ok for CM Punk to pull something like that, but it’s not ok when Edge would pull something like that?” You better brace yourselves because the answer is so magnanimous that it will put you into shock… are you ready? The answer is… CM PUNK IS TRUE CHAMPION MATERIAL WHILE EDGE HAS JUST BEEN ON BORROWED TIME WHICH IS NOW UP!
Ok… hear me out. Edge has ALWAYS had someone else fight his battles for him. Hell… there’s a reason why at one point John Cena made it clear that Lita had the balls in her relationship with Edge. And, there’s also a reason why Edge’s “love of his life” just so happens to be General Manager of SmackDown, who’s just a career insurance to him but fails to realize that all because he calls her beautiful and says “I love you.” Well… I just hope that she doesn’t go suicidal if she’s told from him that she’s useless to him now because he has no title which needs protection for him. Ever since Edge held either the World Title or the WWE Title, he’s always had someone else distracting the referee as he pulled some cheating stunt. He was the first to prey on those who put their heart and soul in a match to keep their well-deserved titles by cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. He did it to John Cena, and when he did it to The Undertaker, he celebrates with “La Familia” and claims to beat his opponents “single handedly” while thinking we forgot about the other 8 hands that were playing their own part in his match helping Edge make sure Taker would lose his match. Who does he think we are… George Bush? Our attention span isn’t that slow Edge… sorry to disappoint you. But it’s ok… because you know what; all good things come to those who wait. And speaking on behalf of a nation of fans… we’ve waited too long for this night to happen. I’m sure that in the end he felt a slight sting. That’s a very good long time friend we like to call Karma… and as Edge found Monday night… she can be a real bitch! And enclosing… I’d like to quote Ashton Kutcher with simply this…EDGE… You’ve Just Been Punk’d!