Who says it’s only gals that gossip about their horrible dates? In 44 Horrible Dates, author Eddie Campbell tells 44 tales of dates gone horribly wrong. It doesn’t matter who are, we can all relate to stories of horrid dates. We’ve all been there!
The format of 44 Horrible Dates works really well for the book – and for readers. Each date-gone-wrong story starts out with the name of the individual that was insufferable that evening. 44 tales in all that will make you feel like maybe your worst dates.. they just weren’t so bad were they?
Take a look at this tale…
Before we get into this story, I want to make clear that I think Henry is one of the most solid names a parent can give their son. It is perhaps my favorite name for a man, and I hope to meet more people named Henry. Just not more people like this Henry.
We met at the gym. We were both getting dressed. At first I was a bit nervous, because I was a bit sweaty and gross, but Henry did not seem to notice, or did not care. I don’t shower at the gym, because I think it is creepy. I am also a mild germophobe.
We talked for a few minutes, and then exchanged email addresses and phone numbers very discreetly. Gym pickups can be so obvious and tacky. A gym pickup in the locker room is even tackier, but remember, I was slowly eliminating all my dating rules.
We spoke on the phone a few times. Henry seemed really nice. He was a little quirky, but in a good way. We made arrangements to go on a date the following week. In between, we exchanged a few emails and learned a lot of superficial information about each other: birthplace, siblings, education, blah, blah…
One week later, and apparently with not enough previous conversation, he showed up to pick me up for our first date. He was perfectly on time (a great way to start a date). I invited him in to have a glass of wine or a martini before we took off.
As he walked past me and into my apartment, I noticed the back of his hair was shaved OFF at the neckline and several inches above his hairline. Not just shaved like a normal haircut, but shaved to the point where the back of his head was bald and smooth. His hair looked like a wig resting on top of a mannequin’s head.
I gingerly asked him about his haircut to see if he would tell me he was wearing a wig, which would have ended the date right there. But even a wig would have been much better than what he said.
His hair was cut like that so that THEY could recognize him when THEY get here.
Honestly perplexed and confused, I said, “Whhhat? Who?”
Then, getting a minor sense of what he might be talking about, I gave him a serious look and said, “WHAT?”
He looked up, pointed to my ceiling, and said, “Them.” He paused and then said, “People from other planets. They are out there, and one day they are coming back for the rest of us, and they will only take those of us who have been acknowledging them.”
I was in shock. I was at an utter loss for words.
Apparently I was not up-to-date on my “alien hairstyles” that function like a calling card for the shuttle to outer space. I suddenly realized Henry was not dealing with a full deck of cards.
I really didn’t know what to do at that point. Scrambling, I told him that I had been sick all day and didn’t want to cancel, but now I realized I was just not feeling up to going out.
He had the nerve to give me a strange look. That’s the pot calling the kettle black. He got up from my barstool, left my place, and slammed the door behind him.
I never saw Henry at the gym again. Guess he was “chosen.” Lucky bastard!
I don’t even know what to say to that… I mean what do you do in a situation like that?
The stories are witty and not kid-friendly, but are reminiscent of Chelsea Handler’s one night stand tales of woe in My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands. It’s an enjoyable and refreshing read from another perspective, and I think that’s what I enjoyed most about it.
Dating life aside, author Eddie Campbell has had major success in other areas of his life. He has worked in Television in Art Direction/Art Departments for hit TV series such as Dawson’s Creek, Ghost Whisperer, Parenthood, and is currently working on several projects for Days of Our Lives.
If you’re looking for a fun and quick read this summer, definitely check out 44 Horrible Dates, it’s the perfect companion to remind you that yes… being single sucks – but at least it’s not as bad as it could be. Your dates could always be worse! They could could be Eddie’s….
If you have a story that rivals one of Eddie’s, we encourage you to share it in our comments section below!
Review By: Emma Loggins