When the series finale of Warehouse 13 opens, the team is watching a memory that belongs to H.G. Wells. In her first week on the job at Warehouse 12, H.G. used Harriet Tubman’s thimble to snag and bag Jack the Ripper’s lantern. According to Mrs. Frederic, the capture was one of H.G.’s defining moments as a Warehouse agent.
Since the Warehouse may be moving, it’s time for all of the current agents to contribute their “defining moments” to the Warehouse’s time capsule (also known as King Arthur’s round table). The table chooses the moment and displays it for everyone as it’s captured (making a fantastic frame for a clip episode, really). Pete is wildly and vocally unhappy about the Warehouse moving and throws a mild tantrum, storming off and swearing that he’ll find a way to keep the Warehouse in place.
Claudia agrees to contribute her memory first. On this particular adventure, the Warehouse has been overrun by chorus girls singing and tapping to “42nd Street.” Pete’s accidentally activated the 42nd Street marquee, which will cause everyone in the Warehouse to dance until they die of exhaustion. Artie has a solution involving Busby Berkley’s flask and Goodman Beggar’s tin pan, but it requires the marquee to be recharged via show-stopping tap number. Claudia is the only one left with enough energy to pull it off, so Artie gets her into a sparkling red tap outfit and she dances her little heart out. As exhausted as they all are once the danger’s over, the entire team agrees that they have the best job ever! Outside of the memory, Mrs. Frederic points out that it was defining for Claudia because it was when she realized that she didn’t want to be caretaker after all. She doesn’t want to give up being an agent.
Artie is surprised, but says that Claudia has to do what’s right for her. In order to illustrate his point, he shows her one of his memories. He and a young man named Scott are out on a snag-and-bag on New Year’s Eve. Some Artifact or another has been creating a 25-minute long time bubble at 11:35 on New Year’s Eve, and it’s been doing it since 1941. Artie’s been investigating this Artifact since the 80s and has brought Scott in as a “fresh pair of eyes.” When 11:35 hits, a World War II officer’s club materializes around them. Scott points out that only one couple isn’t partying like it’s their very last chance to do so. In fact, they’re arguing. Artie goes to talk to the man, but it’s obvious that he knows nothing. Scott takes the woman, the officer’s wife, as it turns out. She admits to him that she’s pregnant and afraid that her husband will die overseas. As she’s confessing this, she refills her champagne glass three times without ever taking a sip. Artie and Scott convince the woman that the future is worth living and that she should let go of the bubble. Artie bags Thomas Wedgewood’s champagne glass with only seconds to spare.
Once the club is gone, Scott says that a kid with a potentially missing dad hits a little close to home. Artie tries to apologize, but Scott says that it wasn’t Artie’s fault that he never knew that Scott was his son. (Yeah, that’s right. Artie has a grown son!) Once the memory is over, Artie explains that he had been seeing someone when he was arrested for treason. His girlfriend never told him that she was pregnant. Once he found out about Scott, he fought for the right for agents to have a “One,” since only Regents had the ability to tell a person about the Warehouse before. He tells Claudia that in order to stay sane in their life, it’s okay to be a little selfish. It’s really an incredibly sweet father-daughter moment.
Meanwhile, Pete is checking out the Warehouse manual (finally!). As it turns out, the manual isn’t one book. It’s several. Myka comes to try to talk him down, but they get into a pretty explosive fight. She storms out to go deliver her moment to the time capsule.
Myka’s moment is pretty brief, really. She unmasks a ring of suburban Stepford ninja cat burglars. (Yeah, let that moniker sink in for a second). She and Pete had been masquerading as a married couple to find the Artifact, a ceramic five-tailed fox statue from Japan. There’s a pretty epic ninja fight scene that really showcases how well Pete and Myka have learned to work together through the years. Once the memory is over, Myka tries to explain that it was her defining moment because she got to use her intellect and her fighting skills. Steve disagrees. He thinks it was her moment because of the way she’s looking at Pete. It’s pretty obvious that Myka has feelings for her partner.
Artie is now roaming the aisles and, overcome with emotion, starts yelling at the Warehouse. Honestly, it’s a brilliant monologue that really showcases how talented Saul Rubinek is. He calls the Warehouse out on how ungrateful it is to just leave after he’s devoted his entire life to it. The Warehouse finally acknowledges him with a feeling of gratitude and an apple. (If you’ll recall, the smell of apples is an indication that the Warehouse likes someone.)
Back at the table, it’s Steve’s turn. He’s reluctant, as he’s afraid that he doesn’t actually have a defining moment at the Warehouse. He’s always felt just a little like an outsider. Mrs. Frederic tells him to let the Warehouse decide that. Steve’s memory is of a snag that was endangering Artie’s life. A clock Artifact had become wedged in Artie’s heart. Steve and Claudia have pulled a Body Wars and used a shrink ray developed by H.G. Wells to enter Artie’s body and destroy the Artifact. It’s too dangerous to take their vessel into the heart itself, so Steve goes EVA and enters the heart alone. He takes care of the Artifact, then experiences a moment of true peace as he realizes that he’s inside a beating human heart. Steve calls the experience a gift from the Warehouse.
Outside the room, Pete is still trying desperately to keep the Warehouse from moving, this time by shoving the compass into the furnace. Myka interrupts him, desperate to tell him what she’s just figured out back at the table. Pete’s babbling and confesses to Myka that he’s afraid losing the Warehouse will mean losing everyone else and going back to who he was before. Myka kisses him and confesses that she loves him. She tells him that he’ll never lose her, then convinces him to come contribute his moment.
As they arrive, Mrs. Frederic and Steve are watching one of Mrs. Frederic’s moments (she has many). When Leena first came to the Warehouse, she was able to sense that she would one day die there. Mrs. Frederic promised to do everything she could to prevent it, but Leena warned her that she wouldn’t be able to stop what was going to happen. Steve has to leave the room for a minute. I may have had to leave the room for a minute, too.
Pete sits down to contribute his defining moment. As it turns out, his moment is EVERY moment. There’s a rather fantastic highlight reel of some of the best scenes of Warehouse 13, accompanied by the dramatic music that one would expect from such a thing. Pete gives a rather awesome speech about treasuring every experience he’s had with the rest of the team (I wouldn’t be surprised if there was more than a little Eddie McClintock in that Pete monologue). The dramatic tension is broken when Artie receives a ping. Whether or not the Warehouse is potentially moving, there are still Artifacts to find. Mrs. Frederic tells Pete that “this particular wonder is endless.”
Several decades in the future, Warehouse 13 still hasn’t moved, but it definitely has new agents and a new caretaker. The new Artie looks and sounds remarkably like showrunner Jack Kenny. Wonder why that is. It would appear that Claudia eventually embraced her destiny as caretaker and is now referred to as “Ms. D.” She even does the disappearing thing! According to her, the Warehouse “almost moves” from time to time, just to keep everyone on their toes. She makes her way back down to the time capsule room to remember Artie, Pete, Myka, and Steve, because while the wonder is endless, this fantastic show is not.
Given what I’ve assumed about this final episode of Warehouse 13, this would have been such a fun season if they’d been allowed to make the whole thing. My guess is that everyone’s “defining moment” was an episode that was going to happen sometime this season. Tell me those wouldn’t have been some fun hour-long shows! If we couldn’t have the whole season, I’m glad we at least got glimpses of what could have been. I felt like this episode was a great sendoff to what has been one of my absolute favorite shows.
Guys, I am going to miss this show so much for so many reasons. Now that it’s gone the way of Eureka and Being Human, Syfy is officially out of light(er)-hearted shows. The rest of their scripted science fiction lineup is considerably darker. Awesome, no doubt, but definitely darker. The end of Warehouse 13 really feels like the end of an era.
I didn’t cry. My living room is just very, very dusty. Shut up.
Jinks: “I hate musicals.”
Artie: “He lives in San Diego. We go to Comic Con together. It’s all very normal.”
Everyone: “Endless wonder…”
-Where can I find that Myka Bering/Mortal Kombat dance remix? I need that for my running playlist.
-Along those lines, where can I find Claudia’s caretaker dress? I don’t know what size Allison Scagliotti is, but I would kill to wear that somewhere fun.
-If we’d had a full season, do you think Myka would have had some angst over falling for another partner, fearing that it would parallel her situation with her first partner back at the Secret Service
-Artifact Roundup: Harriet Tubman’s thimble, Jack the Ripper’s lantern, King Arthur’s round table, 42nd Street marquee, Busby Berkley’s flask, Goodman Beggar’s tin pan, Thomas Wedgewood’s champagne glass, ceramic five-tailed fox, ancient Thai stork, alarm clock, Obama’s basketball
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